Day Ten: 10 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

So today was a much more eventful day, I actually left the house today and made myself look pretty. My day started at Panera for lunch with my mom and my grandmother, I’m still not in that great of a mood so I was silent for all of lunch. My grandmother thought that it was directed towards her and after lunch she wouldn’t even say goodbye to me. She basically told me off and then walked away without saying another word to me. When we got to the car my mom asked me if I was mad at my grandmother and that set me off on a serious breakdown and I started crying and hyperventilating. I was a complete wreck and we still had a few other places to go before we got to go home. We left Panera to go to Sam’s Club and Walmart to pick up a few last minute items before I leave for school tomorrow. My mom got so upset and she refused to talk to me for a few hours. It was awful, and I didn’t know what to do. Finally while I was helping to make dinner my grandmother called me and we worked it all out but it was awkward. I didn’t realize that being in a bad mood caused so many problems, but tomorrow I will be at school and hopefully my bad mood will be subdued by all of my school work. Fingers crossed right?

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Nine: 9 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

So today was nothing special until I got a text message from my best friend around 9:30 telling me that she was lividly upset because her ex-boyfriend person was now dating her little sister from her sorority. That’s like dating her actual little sister and it’s a big no no, but because her ex is a scumbag he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about her or his new girlfriend, he has no emotional capacity whatsoever and I can’t stand him. I think he is the biggest jerk ever, he has screwed her over time and time again and now he is just flaunting this relationship in her face and didn’t have the decency to tell her to her face she found out through snap chat. So after that text message she came by my house and we went on another long drive this time we ended up in West Point, and we went through Gloucester, and Yorktown. Now she is sleeping over so she can continue complaining about him and then on Sunday when we go back to school and see him it will be like WWIII on campus and I can’t wait to see what she does!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Eight: 8 January 2015

Hello Everybody,

Today I spent some quality time with my bed, I slept till about 1pm. I probably would’ve slept longer but my dog and her obnoxious barking woke me up. I’m trying to get as much sleep as possible before I go back to school, because when classes start the level of sleep I get goes way down. After I got up and made myself some lunch I spent part of my day getting some of my things together for when I leave on Sunday to go back to school. I have a lot to pack and not a lot of space to pack things in, so I’m going to have to get creative on how things will fit in my suitcases. The other part of my day I spent watching Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares which is one of my favorite shows and I have no idea why. I just think it’s funny when he yells at the owners for doing such a terrible job and they come up with some lame excuse for why they are doing so badly. All my days have been running together recently because now that I am done with work for the season and school hasn’t started yet I don’t have a lot to do to occupy my time. It’s rather depressing really, and I can’t wait until I have things to do. I am too much of a planner to have this much free time, and all this free time allows my mind to wander which is the last thing I want it to do. I’m not going to go on some rant about him like I usually do because all it does is make it hurt more. I’m going to end this here, see y’all tomorrow

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Seven: 7 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Today was yet another boring day, I feel myself counting down the days until I can go back to school. I know that normal people aren’t excited to go back but I am. I need something to distract myself from all the constant thoughts in my head. I can barely get through a day without crying at least twice and its awful living this way. I just need something to focus all of my attention on so I can’t think about him all the time. I would love to have homework and papers and tests to prepare for because at least I would be thinking about something else even if it’s only for a few minutes. Everything around me is a constant reminder of what I have lost. When I look in my room I think of how we used to share it, when I’m sitting on my couch watching a movie I think of how he and I used to do the exact same thing about a month ago. I can’t go or do anything without thinking of him or what we used to do together. I just need to be surrounded by my friends who can help me take my mind off of everything. At the same time though when I go back I know I will have to tell people over and over that he and I aren’t together anymore and that is going to just keep twisting the knife in more and more. Nothing I do is ever going to make this any easier. Enough of the sad and depressing stuff, my best friend came over today and we played two rounds of Mario Kart on my Wii before I threw the controller to the ground because I was tired of her kicking my butt. She came in during the last race every time and took first place from me. So after 8 races of losing I had had enough and I wanted to do something that would make me not feel even worse than I already did. Then we decided to craft because that’s what we sorority girls do best! I started making a canvas with my monogram on it because why not, and she made one with a lyric from beauty and the beast on it. I’m going to end up finishing mine tomorrow because it has several layers of paint on it to get it the perfect shade of mint green. So I’m sure tomorrow will be much like it is today!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Six: 6 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

So today I didn’t have to go to work so I spent a majority of my time on my couch watching Criminal Minds with my dog Sasha. After getting into another fight with my mother about me being in a bad mood I decided I didn’t want to be at home any longer and I went to my best friend’s house for a few minutes before we got in her car and drove around for about 3 hours. We went all through Yorktown, Williamsburg, Seaford, and Hampton before we finally made our way back to her house. She says we would’ve stayed out longer except for the fact that she had gotten a slurpee while we were out and she really had to use the potty. During our drive around we talked about all of my problems and how other people just don’t understand how I'm feeling unless they have been in this situation themselves. It’s hard when the person you are so deeply in love with doesn’t love you back anymore. I know I need to accept it but it’s so hard for me because I have so many questions swimming around in my head all the time. I’m still so utterly confused as to what went wrong and what changed to make him feel this way about me. I need to get over it because I doubt I will be getting any of these questions answered so it’s best to not harp on them for too long. After our long drive of talking and listening to really good music about being heartbroken and not needing a man anymore, we hung out at her house and watched Friends with her sister who is also one of my very good friends. While watching friends we got into some discussion about something and then my best friends sister and I got into a play fight with each other and she accidentally kicked me in the face and now my eye and cheek are swollen and slightly blue but at least it has a funny story behind it… oh well such is my life if there is a way for me to get hurt its going to happen. 

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Five: 5 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Today I went to work for a few hours and it was boring as usual, thankfully I didn’t have to stay long. After work I went to AC Moore to pick up supplies for making shirts. Which my best friend and I did this evening after dinner. I made four shirts overall and they are adorable; I finally have some new sorority shirts to wear. It’s going to be weird to wear my letters on campus especially when my sorority isn’t there but I’m going to do it anyway so I represent my organization even at a school that it isn’t established at. Emotionally today was a bad day as most of them tend to be right now, my mom even got mad at me for being in a bad mood. She just doesn’t understand that I’m not over what happened to me even though she is and she is at the point where she is angry and says I should just get over it because it’s not worth my time anymore. I don’t even know how to feel, I go through all the emotions every day. I get angry and then I feel sad and depressed and then for a split second I feel okay and maybe even happy, but it is normally quickly replaced with anger or hurt or even confusion. I wish sometimes that people would stop bringing it up so I could deal with it on my own and half the time I want to tell them they need to shut up because it’s not their life and not their heart that got broken in the process. But I don’t because I know they love me and they want me to be happy, and the thing is I can’t be truly happy right now and it’s probably going to be a while before I am. I know I’m hurting those closest to me by being this way but I can’t help it. Update on my resolutions, I have started my diet and so far I’m doing pretty well on it. there are temptations everywhere but I know that I’m doing this for a reason and I need to stick it out so I can become the best version of myself!    

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Four: 4 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Another uneventful day at my house, I’ve been in an awful mood all day. I had this weird dream last night and when I woke up this morning I couldn’t decide if I liked the dream or not. I’m not going to take the time to go into the boring details of what happened but I ended up having my ex-boyfriend’s baby and in my dream she was beautiful. But this morning when I got up and the images were still fresh in my head I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have that part of him still with me but at the same time I was relieved because there is no way I’m even remotely ready to have a baby. But the dream itself has been haunting me all day and it’s just contributing to my bad mood. And the one person I want to talk about it with doesn’t speak to me anymore. I don’t even think he remembers I exist, especially since it was so easy for him to let me go. I know that I need to get over it but as my best friend has been telling me a lot recently that it doesn’t happen overnight. I wish it did it would make life a heck of a lot easier if I could just move on from the heartbreak and be happy. I read something on tumblr the other day and it’s stuck with me, it’s not who you miss at 2am when you're lonely but it’s who you miss at 2pm when you're busy. I know that feeling all too well unfortunately, and this is where I leave y’all. 

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh