Hello Everyone,
I hope you’ve had a good Monday! Mine has been interesting to
say the least… Everything went normal this morning and I went to my first class
at 10:00. Then after that I went to the business office to pay my deposit for
housing next year to make sure I got to live in the apartments again. Then
after that I spent two hours trying to cram as much information into my brain
as possible because I had a test at 1. It was as complete struggle, even though
I had study what I thought was a decent amount, when I looked at the test I felt
clueless. It took me a good 10 minutes to organize my thoughts so I could
answer the essay questions. Luckily after I did that I was able to come up with
some fairly okay answers and I finished my test. Then after that I came back to my apartment
to relax before I had to work.
It was at this point that my day started taking a turn. I was
watching Supernatural with Sarah when I got an email from the school saying
that due to the weather the cafeteria would only be open from 4:15-6 for
dinner. I just so happened to be working from 4-6, so at this point I had to come
up with an alternative for dinner since I wouldn’t be able to eat at the café.
While I was at work I got the idea to order Chinese food, and when I got back
to my room after work I called the restaurant and they said they weren’t doing
delivery tonight. I then had to come up another plan… which led me to go to
Food Lion and pick up a red baron pizza. It was delicious, so it wasn’t an
awful decision. I spent the rest of the night watching season 5 of Supernatural
with Sarah. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’ve been in a weird mood all
day and I'm not sure how to snap out of it. I think all of the dreams I've been
having recently are finally getting to me.
Anytime I close my eyes he is all I see, and no matter what I
do before bed he is all I dream about. It’s not healthy because it causes me to
wake up depressed. And now that it’s snowing outside I keep getting flashbacks
of last year when it snowed and he and I stayed in bed all day and watched
movies because there was no way we were going to go outside. All of my
professors have cancelled class tomorrow and that means I will be staying
inside all day. Which brings back those memories, and I just found a folder on
my computer about the wedding he and I were going to have and I had even
started a document where I wrote down little things that I wanted to say in my
vows. It was literally like being stabbed in the chest as I scrolled through everything.
I don’t have the heart to delete it yet but it hurts too much to know it’s
there.
I’m so confused about how I feel, because I say one thing
when I feel something completely different. There are some days where I feel
fine and that I can forget about the past and move on and then there are days
where I don’t want to move and all I can do is cry because how could I possibly
move on when I feel so empty inside. I just don’t know how much more of this
roller coaster I can take.
I will talk to y’all tomorrow! Have a good Tuesday and if it’s
snowing where you are, I hope you stay safe and warm and if it’s not snowing
where you are just know that I am extremely jealous of you!
Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh
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