Day Six: 6 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

So today I didn’t have to go to work so I spent a majority of my time on my couch watching Criminal Minds with my dog Sasha. After getting into another fight with my mother about me being in a bad mood I decided I didn’t want to be at home any longer and I went to my best friend’s house for a few minutes before we got in her car and drove around for about 3 hours. We went all through Yorktown, Williamsburg, Seaford, and Hampton before we finally made our way back to her house. She says we would’ve stayed out longer except for the fact that she had gotten a slurpee while we were out and she really had to use the potty. During our drive around we talked about all of my problems and how other people just don’t understand how I'm feeling unless they have been in this situation themselves. It’s hard when the person you are so deeply in love with doesn’t love you back anymore. I know I need to accept it but it’s so hard for me because I have so many questions swimming around in my head all the time. I’m still so utterly confused as to what went wrong and what changed to make him feel this way about me. I need to get over it because I doubt I will be getting any of these questions answered so it’s best to not harp on them for too long. After our long drive of talking and listening to really good music about being heartbroken and not needing a man anymore, we hung out at her house and watched Friends with her sister who is also one of my very good friends. While watching friends we got into some discussion about something and then my best friends sister and I got into a play fight with each other and she accidentally kicked me in the face and now my eye and cheek are swollen and slightly blue but at least it has a funny story behind it… oh well such is my life if there is a way for me to get hurt its going to happen. 

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Five: 5 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Today I went to work for a few hours and it was boring as usual, thankfully I didn’t have to stay long. After work I went to AC Moore to pick up supplies for making shirts. Which my best friend and I did this evening after dinner. I made four shirts overall and they are adorable; I finally have some new sorority shirts to wear. It’s going to be weird to wear my letters on campus especially when my sorority isn’t there but I’m going to do it anyway so I represent my organization even at a school that it isn’t established at. Emotionally today was a bad day as most of them tend to be right now, my mom even got mad at me for being in a bad mood. She just doesn’t understand that I’m not over what happened to me even though she is and she is at the point where she is angry and says I should just get over it because it’s not worth my time anymore. I don’t even know how to feel, I go through all the emotions every day. I get angry and then I feel sad and depressed and then for a split second I feel okay and maybe even happy, but it is normally quickly replaced with anger or hurt or even confusion. I wish sometimes that people would stop bringing it up so I could deal with it on my own and half the time I want to tell them they need to shut up because it’s not their life and not their heart that got broken in the process. But I don’t because I know they love me and they want me to be happy, and the thing is I can’t be truly happy right now and it’s probably going to be a while before I am. I know I’m hurting those closest to me by being this way but I can’t help it. Update on my resolutions, I have started my diet and so far I’m doing pretty well on it. there are temptations everywhere but I know that I’m doing this for a reason and I need to stick it out so I can become the best version of myself!    

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Four: 4 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Another uneventful day at my house, I’ve been in an awful mood all day. I had this weird dream last night and when I woke up this morning I couldn’t decide if I liked the dream or not. I’m not going to take the time to go into the boring details of what happened but I ended up having my ex-boyfriend’s baby and in my dream she was beautiful. But this morning when I got up and the images were still fresh in my head I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have that part of him still with me but at the same time I was relieved because there is no way I’m even remotely ready to have a baby. But the dream itself has been haunting me all day and it’s just contributing to my bad mood. And the one person I want to talk about it with doesn’t speak to me anymore. I don’t even think he remembers I exist, especially since it was so easy for him to let me go. I know that I need to get over it but as my best friend has been telling me a lot recently that it doesn’t happen overnight. I wish it did it would make life a heck of a lot easier if I could just move on from the heartbreak and be happy. I read something on tumblr the other day and it’s stuck with me, it’s not who you miss at 2am when you're lonely but it’s who you miss at 2pm when you're busy. I know that feeling all too well unfortunately, and this is where I leave y’all. 

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Three: 3 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

Today was laundry day for me, because I couldn’t avoid it anymore and I was running dramatically low on the amount of clean socks in my drawer. It took a few hours but I managed to clean all of my clothes and I now have nice fresh socks to wear! Other than doing my laundry I have spent most of my day reading the Divergent Trilogy. I ended the second book in the series today and started the final book and I only have about 16 chapters left and I can’t seem to put it down. The story is so enthralling that I find myself with the constant need to continue reading it. It’s the reason I didn’t blog earlier like I intended to, if any of you have read these books you’ll understand my pain. I admire the main characters strength even when all hope is lost, and I hope that I could be that way especially now when I need to be strong. Today was a hard day for me and my current mental health. It seemed that everything reminded me of my recent ex-boyfriend and it hurt to think of him, I miss him and I know that I shouldn’t because he broke my heart even though he promised he would never hurt me. I was doing fine until I was scrolling through the TV channels and I found a stupid movie to put on while I folded my clothes. In the movie the main character’s boyfriend leaves her and as he leaves her he tells her he doesn’t love her anymore and she is heartbroken just like I am. Then at the end of the movie he comes back to her and tells her he lied and that he was sorry and that he would never leave her again. It hurt to know that that would never happen to me because my life is not a movie and the girl and boy don’t always end up together in the end. I’m trying to be strong but it’s not very easy when every fiber of my being wants him back. That’s it for today.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Two: 2 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

Today has been a very uneventful day; I have spent most of my day at work cross referencing online orders. And if that wasn’t enough the company website crashed in the middle of that and I wasn’t able to fully complete my work. It was awful; I wanted to throw the computer out the window! Today is also the founder's day of my sorority Alpha Omicron Pi, today is its 118^th birthday! Although I am an alumna I still have a place in my heart for my organization and all of my sisters. For the rest of the night I will be over at my best friend’s house because her parents are gone for the night and she doesn’t want to be alone in her house and I don’t blame her on that one! So we will probably end up watching Netflix all night while talking crap about all the men in our lives, the normal things girls do at sleepovers. Not really much to say about today, so this is where I will end this!!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day One: 1 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

It’s the first day of the New Year and it’s already off to a horrible start. I rang in the New Year with my family but I spent the first 20 minutes of 2015 crying my eyes out. The supposed love of my life broke up with me the day after Christmas, and I haven’t felt right since. I have been trying to be strong but some days are easier than others. I got a tattoo on the collarbone to remind myself that everything happens for a reason, and it does but I’m still hurt and confused as to why he all of a sudden decided he wasn’t in love with me anymore. It was hard to see my family so happy at midnight, hugging and kissing when I felt broken, hurt and betrayed. If you had asked me a week ago to picture that exact moment I would’ve said that at midnight I would be expecting a call from him and that we would laugh and talk and ring in the New Year and be happy. I never thought in a million years that my night would be the exact opposite. And now my family is on their way over to my parents’ house so we can all have dinner and celebrate the New Year yet again, and I'm not in a celebratory mood. I have to put on a fake smile and act like everything is alright as my family laughs and enjoys each other’s company. People keep telling me the pain will subside and everything will be okay, but I can’t do anything without thinking of him and how I wish he was here. It’s something I’m going to have to live with, but everything happens for a reason. Enough of the sad stuff… I’ve got a couple New Year’s Resolutions that I’d like to share. The first being that I want to finally lose weight, I’ve been trying for a while but this year I’m going to be serious about it. And the second is that I’m going to try and actually have fun and do what I want to do and not what someone else wants me to do. I’m going to flirt and laugh and be myself no matter what anyone has to say. I’m 21 years old I should be having fun, acting my age, and enjoying myself instead of being so serious all the time! So here’s to the first day of 2015!

Thanks for reading, xoxo Lashleigh

365 Day Challenge

Hello Everyone!

So recently I have been hearing the phrase that every year is like a 365 page book, and that because today is the first day of 2015 that today is page one of the 365 page book. this got me to thinking and I've decided that I want to challenge myself to write about everyday this year. It could be long or short but I want to write my very own 365 page book about 2015. I know this is going to be a bit challenging especially with school but I'm hoping that it will help me through what I'm sure is going to be a difficult year. I hopefully will be posting my days on this blog and on my tumblr. Lets do this!

Thanks for reading! xoxo Lashleigh