Day Thirty and Thirty-One: 30 and 31 January 2015

Well Hey there readers!

It the last day in January of 2015! This month has brought a lot of challenges to me. I have been trying to blog everyday sometimes it ends up being every other day but I’ve gotten used to it by now. This month has also brought me a lot of heartache as I continue to get over being broken up with by the man I thought was the love of my life. I’ve also lost a total of 10 pounds this month as well as gotten back on my depression medication. On top of all of that school started back up and that brings its own challenges along with it. Overall this past month has been a whirlwind and I'm hoping February will be a little easier. Now let me get to talking about my days like I usually do. Yesterday was Friday and it was great I didn’t have to worry about homework or tests. It was relaxing; I ended up cooking dinner for my roommates because I love to cook. I made pork schnitzel with egg noodles and it was delicious, but I didn’t get to finish mine because my stomach did not agree with it at all. After dinner I did the dishes, like I always do and cleaned up around the apartment. Once all of that was done I watched a few episodes of Supernatural before it was time for me to go home. My roommate and I are carpooling home every weekend and this time it was her turn to drive. We made it home in plenty of time and I was able to watch a little TV with my mom before I went to bed. Overall a fairly easy day. Today I woke up earlier than I would’ve like but it happens to me all the time. I got up and went through my usual routine of doing my hair and makeup before going downstairs and watching more Supernatural before my guy friend came over. We hung out for a few hours catching up because we haven’t seen in each other in over a year.  We played Mario Kart and watched the Interview and were complete jerks to each other like we used to be and it felt just like old times. It was nice to have a little fun for once; I hope I can start to have fun again. It was hard to hang out with a guy because the entire time all I could think about was my Ex and how I wished I was hanging out and watching movies with him instead. Once my friend left I got really depressed because I couldn’t stop thinking about my ex and how much I miss him. I watched a few episodes of Supernatural to help me perk back up but it can only help so much. Every time I think I am getting better and forgetting about how much I love him, something happens to bring me right back to square one. It’s awful and I wish he was still here so I could just talk to him, I miss being able to tell him anything even if it was something stupid he would still listen to me. I can just picture him rolling his eyes at me for talking to him about girly things as I often did. Maybe someday a long time from now I will be able to move on and be happy with someone else.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Twenty-Nine: 29 January 2015

Hello you wonderful people,

So today had the potential to be a great day but it went in the complete opposite direction! I woke up and did my normal routine and I got dressed up for my presentation that I had to give this morning. I was looking really cute with my curled hair and my mint green top with a chunky necklace to add some more color. Then I went through all my classes like normal, and when I gave my presentation I did great and I was able to keep it in the time limit my professor had set for us. Then I went to lunch and ate my usual salad, and then I headed off to work. When I was work I changed into a pair of jeans because I did not want to wear my dress pants any longer and I put on my brown boots. I looked adorable. I was smiling and laughing with my friends and having a pretty good time. Then once I left work to go to my doctor’s appointment the day took a turn for the worse. It took me forever to get to my appointment I barely showed up on time for it, and once I was taken into a room I was handed a depression questionnaire and I had to rate myself on a scale of 0-3, 0 being never and 3 being every day, based on certain situations and characteristics. I answered 3 to all of them but one of them which I gave a 1. It made me realize how depressed I really am, and how bad it has gotten from the last time I was seen for my depression. Then when the doctor came to talk to me she went over all the precautions about getting on medication and how she thought that it would be best for me to be on them since I had been on them previously. I agreed and she called me in a prescription for my new medication which is the same one I have previously taken. I thanked her and I left after making my follow up appointment for three months from now. I made my way to my house to grab something for dinner since it was close to 6pm and I was waiting for my prescription to be filled but I was determined to leave by 6:30. So I talked to my mom for a few minutes, ate some dinner, and washed my hair. Right at 6:30 I got back in my car and drove towards school even though my medication wasn’t ready yet, I decided I will just get it tomorrow when I go home for the weekend. Then as I'm crossing the James River Bridge on my way to school, we come to a complete stop and we stayed at a complete stop for an hour and a half. There apparently was a really bad accident that was blocking both lanes. Needless to say I started panicking. I still hadn’t typed up the outline of the first 9 chapters of my book and it was due to be submitted by 11:59 pm and not a minute later. I had a complete mental breakdown in the car which included hysterical crying and hyperventilating. I didn’t know what I was going to do if I didn’t get my outline submitted in time, and I couldn’t fathom the thought of receiving a zero for the grade. Thankfully we started moving around 8:20pm and I made it back to school by 9:30 and I worked my butt off to make sure I got my outline done in time and I have now submitted it to my teacher and I can just take a deep breath and relax. It was an awful evening and I hope I never have to experience anything like that again! I’m exhausted now after this long and trying day, so I'm going to pass out in my bed very shortly!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Twenty-Seven and Twenty-Eight: 27 and 28 January 2015

Hello Everyone!

Yesterday wasn’t a normal Tuesday for me; I woke up way too early and had to go to class except this time it was snowing outside… I hate snow and I always have. I hate anything that’s cold and wet and comes from the sky to be honest. So it was an omen for how the day was going to be. It was freezing cold and I was covered in snow trying to get to my classes. Thankfully by the time I got to work around 1pm the snow had stopped and it was just cold instead of wet and cold. Before I clocked in at work I called my doctor and made an appointment for tomorrow afternoon for me to get back on my depression medication. I have been battling with myself over this decision over the last few weeks and I have decided that it’s the right thing to do for me. I can feel myself slipping into my depression and I don’t want to be that girl again. I wish I was strong enough to do it on my own but nothing I do can distract me long enough to stay happy. After work was over I came back to my apartment and watched more supernatural with my best friend before doing all of my homework and being productive. I got my work done so early that I was able to have cleaned the entire apartment and taken a shower by 7:30. Around 9pm she and I sat down to watch the new episode of Supernatural which had me so confused since I hadn’t seen the previous seasons but I watched it with her anyway. Then at 10 we watched My Big Fat Fabulous Life, this is now our Tuesday ritual. We went to bed early and for some reason I just couldn’t stay asleep which brings me to today. I woke up 6 times before my alarm went off between 5:40 and 7:45. It was awful I have been exhausted all day but I've had so much to do. I've had to make a presentation for tomorrow, figure out what I'm going to wear for the presentation, and begin reading a book for one of classes. The book I’m reading is written by Colin Powell and it’s actually a really good book and I'm glad I picked it. I have to have an outline of the first 9 chapters submitted tomorrow by 11:59pm. In the short amount of time I've been reading this book I've gotten through 4 chapters and I'm partially through chapter 5 so doing that shouldn’t be too difficult. I just have to stay on task tomorrow and hope nothing major happens. Thankfully it’s almost Friday so I can go home and relax after this week.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Twenty-Six: 26 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

So today I my school got locked down because of a gunman that was running around the town my college is located in, so I didn’t have my first class of the day because we weren’t allowed outside of our dorms. I used that time to catch up on some homework so that I would be able to go to sleep a normal time tonight. However during the day while I was in class I messaged an old friend on Facebook and he and I got to talking and I’m going to go see him this weekend at William and Mary where he goes to school. It should be fun, were gonna hang out and talk crap to each other and play Mario Kart on the Wii just like old times. I haven’t talked since I started dating my ex-boyfriend last year. So he and I have a lot to catch up on, he was my buy best friend for years, and I'm excited to have him back in my life. That and my roommates agree that it will be good for me to get out and have fun, I haven’t been doing much of that since the break up and this will be the first weekend that I go out and drink and have a good time with someone who isn’t family. We’ve been talking all day catching up about different things that have happened over the last year, and it makes me super excited for this weekend. I don’t have much else to say so I’m gonna go to be now!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Twenty-Five: 25 January 2015

Hello everyone,

Today was another uneventful day for me, I spent all morning and most of the afternoon watching the rest if season one of Supernatural and I have to say that I’m obsessed with this show! Sam and Dean have me wrapped around their beautiful fingers, and I can’t help but think about when I’m going to be able to watch the next episode. Netflix is my best friend right now because I will be using that a lot over the next few weeks as I try and watch 10 seasons of this show. My obsession has gotten so bad that I have even threatened to shoot my roommate with rock salt. I can’t believe I didn’t know about this show sooner! Other than watching Supernatural I made my way back to school with two of my roommates today and ever since I got back I have been doing homework for my technology classes and all I've wanted to do was shoot myself with rock salt because this homework is awful. The questions were dumb and I had no idea what I was talking about even after I read the chapters several times and looked things up online. Now I am sitting here in the living room of my apartment listening to my best friends little sister in her sorority talk about movies and ask questions about things she should know, and when she asked about how many continents there are I just about smacked the crap out of her. It’s such a shame that there are people out there who don’t know such easy facts. So I'm sitting here listening to her talk and drinking a glass of wine because that is the only way I can get through having a conversation with her. The struggle is real for this week. Cheers to ending the week with wine, bring it on Monday!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Twenty-Three and Twenty-Four: 23 and 24 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

Yesterday was better than the average Friday, my first class of the day was cancelled because my teacher is sick so I didn’t have class until 1pm. It was so nice to sleep in and not have to worry about waking up in time to make it to class. I got up around 10am and took my time getting ready and packing my bag for coming home this weekend. I went to lunch with my best friend and we complained about people in our lives the entire time, it was great. She is literally the best and I’m going to go crazy when she graduates in May! Then after that I went to class and drove home and ever since I got home yesterday, I have been watching the TV show Supernatural because my best friend told me about it and made me watch the first episode with her and now I'm hooked and I can’t help but watch it. I have watched 16 episodes since then and I'm almost done with the first season. There are 10 seasons of this show and I have a lot of catching up to do, but I'm up for the challenge. When she got me hooked on this show I got her hooked on Gossip Girl, so she and I have a lot of Netflix to watch and not a lot of time to do it in. All I did today was watch Supernatural and clean out the desk in my room which my mom has been bugging me about since last weekend. There is still a lot more stuff to do but I got through at least half of it. I had a pretty boring lazy day like I do on most Saturdays which is always welcomed after the weeks I have. Emotionally speaking I don’t know exactly how I feel, my best friend told me I’m content because I’m not happy but I'm not sad either. I’m somewhere in the middle and its confusing. I think I have finally accepted what happened and that is allowing me to move on and learn from everything. We shall see how I feel tomorrow; my emotions are all over the place so Lord only knows where they will end up. If things don’t get better this week then I’m going to call the doctor and go back on my medication, I need the extra help to stay positive and make it through the day without having some major mood changes.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh  

Day Twenty-Two: 22 January 2015

Hello Everyone!

Let me start by saying I apologize in advance for the ranting I’m about to be doing, it’s been a rough day and I just need to vent. First of all, I need all the fake people to just go somewhere else. I’m so tired of having to deal with people who act certain ways to impress certain people it doesn’t make you cute, it makes you pathetic. Second all the hypocrites in the world can disappear too. If you are constantly contradicting yourself through words and actions you look like a fool and no one takes you serious. That and I can’t stand people who are lazy and flake on their responsibilities for dumb reasons. There have been so many people today that have just rubbed me the wrong way and its put me in an awful mood. Another thing that has pushed me over the edge today are people that ask you to do things for them and when you agree they completely exclude you from things but include other people who have nothing to do with the situation in the first place. I’m ready to call it quits and let someone else deal with them and their problems because I have a lot of better things I could do than waste my time waiting around for you and your people to acknowledge my presence. You only talk to me when you need something and that’s not okay with me anymore, I have too much on my plate to be dealing either that. People aare just so inconsiderate all the time and only think of themselves and its getting ridiculous, grow up people and get over yourselves! We are in college, stop acting like were in middle school again (no offense to middle schoolers out there). We are supposed to be mature adults and its time they start acting that way. Graduation gets closer and closer every minute and its coming whether you're ready or not. I know I’m prepared but as for some of my classmates I’m not so sure! I’ve just had the worst day and I’m sorry for the ranting but it needed to happen before I exploded! Thankfully I will be heading home tomorrow to spend some time with my mom and get away from this place because I am so tired of being here and being around the people on this campus! Graduation can’t come fast enough, I need to get away from all of this and start a new life. I don’t mean to offend anyone, this rant just pertains to the people I have to interact with on a regular basis at my university.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Twenty and Twenty-One: 20 and 21 January 2015

Hello Everyone!

I hope you all are having a good week so far, I know mine started off really rough and it seems to be getting better as the week goes on. You know what they say once you have hit rock bottom there is nowhere to go but up. Yesterday was a pretty uneventful day; I went to class and had to wake up way too early. Then after class I went to work for a few hours then I spent a few hours doing homework and I was done with my work around 7:30 which gave me a lot of free time. So much free time that I ended up cooking a full out dinner for my roommates. I made grilled lemon herb chicken breast, creamy chicken rice, and sweet corn as a vegetable. Then after dinner I did the dishes and settled my butt on the couch to watch TV with one of my roommates for a few hours and that is exactly what we did. We watched a new show on TLC called My Big Fat Fabulous Life for an hour before my roommate said we had to watch her favorite show called Supernatural. I changed the channel and for an hour all I did was get really confused and asked a lot of questions because I had no idea what was going on. She told me I just need to watch the show and I think she’s right it looked awesome from the episode I saw. Then after that was done my fourth roommate brought some random guy over that we had no clue was coming to the apartment. He isn’t bad looking but he sure was loud and obnoxious! He seemed like a nice guy so we all just let it go, but they were so loud watching movies and talking that when it came time for me to go to bed I couldn’t sleep so I walked across the kitchen and slept in my best friend’s room. Today went pretty much the same except I didn’t have to wake up as early. I went to all three of my classes, then went to work, I ate pizza for dinner, but I wouldn’t call it eating, I more like inhaled it I was so hungry. Then after that I came back to my dorm and did my homework like a good student and drank more coffee than was necessary before one of my friends came over and he had to rant about his problems so I just sat there and nodded my head like the good friend I am. So now I am wide awake because I drank way too much coffee and I have to be up in like 4.5 hours… tomorrow is going to be a struggle! Overall though I have been doing fairly well emotionally speaking, I haven’t cried in the past two days so I would say I’m making progress. I’m still sad all the time but I have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and that I will be okay eventually. It’s still hard to get out of bed in the morning and put a smile on my face and act like everything is okay when I feel dead inside most of the time but I know that I need to power through this. I have been really contemplating getting back on my medication I think I need the extra help especially at a time like this in my life. I guess the reason I haven’t called the doctor yet is because if I do get back on them it means that I failed at being happy on my own and it proves that I’m not strong enough to do it either. I don’t know it’s just getting harder and harder every day, so I think it’s time that I do something about this. I hope y’all have a great day or night depending on when you read this!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Eighteen and Nineteen: 18 and 19 January 2015

hello everyone, 

I’m sorry in advanced for any of you who don’t like hearing about depression, and about not posting yesterday it was probably one of the worst days and I figured that today would be better but it wasn’t I felt lower than dirt last night after I was informed of a conversation on Facebook to which I can only assume is about me. And now after a phone call from my mother telling me that the conversation continued some today I was launched into a deep depression and I feel awful. I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up for a while. I swore to myself I would never feel this depressed again but here I am… wanting to disappear, and I have no one to talk too. I’m all alone in my apartment and the one person I want to talk to is my ex-boyfriend and he and I aren’t necessarily on speaking terms right now. I don’t even know if he ever wants to speak to me again. Here’s a little back story into my life I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression when I was 16 and I started going to counseling and taking medication for it and it helped it really helped but when I met my ex he told me I’m too much of an amazing person to need to be on medication like that so I stopped taking them and I felt great. I wasn’t depressed anymore and I really felt like I was cured so to speak. Now here I am a year later crying my eyes out in my room wanting nothing more than to go away forever so I can stop feeling the pain of losing him. I thought he was my forever and now he’s gone and I don’t know what to do. I want to be strong and to move on but how can I when he was my happiness. With him gone I feel empty inside and I don’t know if I will ever be okay again, I told him this would happen to me and he told me he was never going anywhere so I didn’t need to worry about it. I have no will to go one right now, and somehow I have to find the strength to continue on with my life and get through school. In don’t know what to do anymore. Once again I’m sorry for all the depressing stuff but I just needed to get it off my chest before I did something stupid.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Photo to go with day 16 and 17!

This is the tumblr post I meant to post with last night's blog post!

Day Sixteen and Seventeen: 16 and 17 January 2015

Hello Everyone!

It seems that blogging every day is a bit of a struggle when you’re in college and you have to focus on school 98% of the time, so i apologize for two day posts. I got to come home yesterday so I’ve been able to sleep in my own bed again. My best friend drove me and one of my roommates home and it was a fun ride, we were dancing and singing and being obnoxious like 21 year olds should. I made some big steps last night when it comes to me emotions. After looking at instagram from a few minutes I realized how my ex-boyfriend dominated my profile, and in a moment of strength I deleted every picture of he and I on all of my social medias and after I was done I felt good. I took a small step to moving on and now I'm at the point where I don’t know how to feel. One minute I’m angry and the next I'm sad but those moods are becoming less frequent now that I’m back in school and I have a lot to worry about as far as assignments go. Then today I went shopping with my mom and got 6 new shirts, 2 camis, and a pair of frilly socks. I haven’t gone shopping in so long it was nice to do it and have fun with my mom at the same time. Then my niece came over to stay the night and we baked cupcakes and watched movies before we forced her to go to bed. Today was a good day, I barely thought about him at all. I really think that I am starting to move on and get on with my life. I’ve realized over the last few days that the hurt I felt will never be undone but I can move past it and create new memories and be happier than I ever was. I’m 21 years old I have my whole life ahead of me, being broken up with was not the end of my life it was a new beginning. I was a person before him and I'm still a person now. I read a post on tumblr the other day and it was about being broken up with and in the end the author wrote if he couldn’t love me the first time how could he love me the second? I will post a screenshot of the post because it really is sticking with me and I believe it more than anything. Because it is so true, it’s so hard for people to change and if by some miracle he and I got back together I would be forever second guessing everything. I would always be worrying if he was lying to me or not, and if he couldn’t love me the first time why should I think he could do it the second?

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Fifteen: 15 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Today was a slightly less stressful day than yesterday. I had to wake up really early this morning and that was awful, I ended up waking up earlier than I anticipated so I re-curled my hair into wavy curls. I had plenty of time to do my makeup and make myself some coffee so I did. Overall for the lack of sleep I had gotten I was looking pretty good. Then when I got to class I got chosen to read my health report to the class which was so stupid. My professor is a joke and being in her class hurts… then after her class my next class went by quickly and then I was in my last class of the day and in that class I had to write a three page essay in three minutes right off the top of my head based on a topic she provided. I actually wrote 4 pages because my hand writing is so big. Then I went to lunch and around 1pm I went to work. While I was waiting to clock in a guy I don’t even know that well stops and asks me if I had dyed my hair and when I told him I did he said it looked great and that I was looking gorgeous and it literally made me smile so much. I haven’t been complimented like that in a while and felt good to know that someone noticed the effort I put into how I make myself look. After I said thank you he gave me a side hug and left. Then a little while later he came back and once again told me I was looking great and that time he gave me a full hug and my two best friends who were sitting there were making faces at me and I just told them to shut it. Also while at work a friend from high school who I haven’t talked to in a really long time texted me and told me she had read my blogpost and told me how she went through a similar break up to me. It was so nice to hear from her and her advice was very helpful, if you read this you’re the best! I know it’s not going to be easy to move on from him but as my friend said it gets easier everyday whether I realize it or not. It was nice today to have a random person compliment me and then to reconnect with an old friend. It helped me to take a deep breath and realize that all the stress I was feeling was unnecessary and that I’m going to be okay…eventually. Some days may be harder to get through than others but I know that I have amazing friends who are always there for me and will help me through this rough time in my life. So thank you to all of my wonderful friend, y’all have truly changed my life in so many ways, I love y’all so much.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Thirteen and Fourteen: 13 and 14 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Yesterday I started my second semester of my junior year of college and it was fairly okay, I woke up way too early and had three classes in a row starting at 8am, then when I was done with classes at 12:15 I went to lunch and then I went to work from 1-3pm. Fairly easy day, then later that evening my roommates boyfriend came over to stay the night and he brought his beautiful pit bull named Snoop to visit as well and she is an amazing dog, I love her. I ended up going to bed super early because I was exhausted from waking up so early. Then this morning I woke up a little later since my first class wasn’t until 10am, and I had 3 classes today as well, and after all of these classes the last one getting out at 3:15 I had to work at 4pm until 6pm then I went to Applebee’s with my gay best friend and my roommate and her boyfriend. It wasn’t until I was at the restaurant that I realized how bad of an idea it was for me to be there. That very Applebee’s is where my ex-boyfriend took me for our first date and I was having tons of flashbacks and I ended up crying at the table because it was all too much, I even got yelled at by my friends to stop talking about him. But I couldn’t help it he was and still is a huge part of my life and everything reminds me of him. Once we left the restaurant and came back to our dorm I watched a little TV before deciding to do my homework which I didn’t think would take me that long to do. I was 100% wrong about that, it took my 2 hours to do one assignment and I had 2 assignments to do. I just finished both assignments around midnight when I started them around 9pm. While doing my homework I got really overwhelmed and I felt suffocated and all I wanted to do was call him and have him tell me that everything was going to be alright and that I was strong and I could do this and that he loved me more than anything. Then I realized that I will never get that from him again and that caused me to start crying my eyes out while trying to do my homework. It’s getting harder and harder every day to carry on without him. Yesterday I had to explain to 6 people that he had broken up with me and it hurt when one of those people told me that my relationship was her relationship goal and that he and I were perfect together. I wanted to walk out of the room and just crawl into a corner and never come out. He told me I would be okay without him but he was wrong I will never be okay without him. Needless to say my semester is off to a rough start. 

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Eleven and Twelve: 11 and 12 of January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

So I didn’t get the chance to blog yesterday because I was exhausted and went to bed extremely early. I moved into my college apartment yesterday, we got to school around 4 and I had to carry up all of my stuff up three flights of stairs. It took 20 minutes to do it and it was exhausting. Then after I carried it all up I proceeded to unpack it straight away because I can’t function out of a suitcase. Then after I was done some friends came over and came to say hello, and I was asked to be a sweetheart for one of the fraternities on campus. Basically that means I get to be a part of their social activities and I get to participate in certain things that others don’t get to participate in. After they left I went on a long ride with my best friend and we got milkshakes from Cookout. Once we got back I snuggled up in my bed and passed out because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. And today I spent most of the day getting all of my supplies together for classes to begin tomorrow. I had to print out a bunch of stuff and get my life together, my first class is at 8am tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. But today the rest of my roommates moved in and my roommate who I have missed so much finally came back to me and I was so excited to see her! I have missed her sarcasm and her opinions especially after what has happened to me recently, she has had so much to say about my break up. I welcome the distraction of school; I’m just not prepared for it to start already.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Ten: 10 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

So today was a much more eventful day, I actually left the house today and made myself look pretty. My day started at Panera for lunch with my mom and my grandmother, I’m still not in that great of a mood so I was silent for all of lunch. My grandmother thought that it was directed towards her and after lunch she wouldn’t even say goodbye to me. She basically told me off and then walked away without saying another word to me. When we got to the car my mom asked me if I was mad at my grandmother and that set me off on a serious breakdown and I started crying and hyperventilating. I was a complete wreck and we still had a few other places to go before we got to go home. We left Panera to go to Sam’s Club and Walmart to pick up a few last minute items before I leave for school tomorrow. My mom got so upset and she refused to talk to me for a few hours. It was awful, and I didn’t know what to do. Finally while I was helping to make dinner my grandmother called me and we worked it all out but it was awkward. I didn’t realize that being in a bad mood caused so many problems, but tomorrow I will be at school and hopefully my bad mood will be subdued by all of my school work. Fingers crossed right?

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Nine: 9 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

So today was nothing special until I got a text message from my best friend around 9:30 telling me that she was lividly upset because her ex-boyfriend person was now dating her little sister from her sorority. That’s like dating her actual little sister and it’s a big no no, but because her ex is a scumbag he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about her or his new girlfriend, he has no emotional capacity whatsoever and I can’t stand him. I think he is the biggest jerk ever, he has screwed her over time and time again and now he is just flaunting this relationship in her face and didn’t have the decency to tell her to her face she found out through snap chat. So after that text message she came by my house and we went on another long drive this time we ended up in West Point, and we went through Gloucester, and Yorktown. Now she is sleeping over so she can continue complaining about him and then on Sunday when we go back to school and see him it will be like WWIII on campus and I can’t wait to see what she does!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Eight: 8 January 2015

Hello Everybody,

Today I spent some quality time with my bed, I slept till about 1pm. I probably would’ve slept longer but my dog and her obnoxious barking woke me up. I’m trying to get as much sleep as possible before I go back to school, because when classes start the level of sleep I get goes way down. After I got up and made myself some lunch I spent part of my day getting some of my things together for when I leave on Sunday to go back to school. I have a lot to pack and not a lot of space to pack things in, so I’m going to have to get creative on how things will fit in my suitcases. The other part of my day I spent watching Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares which is one of my favorite shows and I have no idea why. I just think it’s funny when he yells at the owners for doing such a terrible job and they come up with some lame excuse for why they are doing so badly. All my days have been running together recently because now that I am done with work for the season and school hasn’t started yet I don’t have a lot to do to occupy my time. It’s rather depressing really, and I can’t wait until I have things to do. I am too much of a planner to have this much free time, and all this free time allows my mind to wander which is the last thing I want it to do. I’m not going to go on some rant about him like I usually do because all it does is make it hurt more. I’m going to end this here, see y’all tomorrow

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Seven: 7 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Today was yet another boring day, I feel myself counting down the days until I can go back to school. I know that normal people aren’t excited to go back but I am. I need something to distract myself from all the constant thoughts in my head. I can barely get through a day without crying at least twice and its awful living this way. I just need something to focus all of my attention on so I can’t think about him all the time. I would love to have homework and papers and tests to prepare for because at least I would be thinking about something else even if it’s only for a few minutes. Everything around me is a constant reminder of what I have lost. When I look in my room I think of how we used to share it, when I’m sitting on my couch watching a movie I think of how he and I used to do the exact same thing about a month ago. I can’t go or do anything without thinking of him or what we used to do together. I just need to be surrounded by my friends who can help me take my mind off of everything. At the same time though when I go back I know I will have to tell people over and over that he and I aren’t together anymore and that is going to just keep twisting the knife in more and more. Nothing I do is ever going to make this any easier. Enough of the sad and depressing stuff, my best friend came over today and we played two rounds of Mario Kart on my Wii before I threw the controller to the ground because I was tired of her kicking my butt. She came in during the last race every time and took first place from me. So after 8 races of losing I had had enough and I wanted to do something that would make me not feel even worse than I already did. Then we decided to craft because that’s what we sorority girls do best! I started making a canvas with my monogram on it because why not, and she made one with a lyric from beauty and the beast on it. I’m going to end up finishing mine tomorrow because it has several layers of paint on it to get it the perfect shade of mint green. So I’m sure tomorrow will be much like it is today!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Six: 6 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

So today I didn’t have to go to work so I spent a majority of my time on my couch watching Criminal Minds with my dog Sasha. After getting into another fight with my mother about me being in a bad mood I decided I didn’t want to be at home any longer and I went to my best friend’s house for a few minutes before we got in her car and drove around for about 3 hours. We went all through Yorktown, Williamsburg, Seaford, and Hampton before we finally made our way back to her house. She says we would’ve stayed out longer except for the fact that she had gotten a slurpee while we were out and she really had to use the potty. During our drive around we talked about all of my problems and how other people just don’t understand how I'm feeling unless they have been in this situation themselves. It’s hard when the person you are so deeply in love with doesn’t love you back anymore. I know I need to accept it but it’s so hard for me because I have so many questions swimming around in my head all the time. I’m still so utterly confused as to what went wrong and what changed to make him feel this way about me. I need to get over it because I doubt I will be getting any of these questions answered so it’s best to not harp on them for too long. After our long drive of talking and listening to really good music about being heartbroken and not needing a man anymore, we hung out at her house and watched Friends with her sister who is also one of my very good friends. While watching friends we got into some discussion about something and then my best friends sister and I got into a play fight with each other and she accidentally kicked me in the face and now my eye and cheek are swollen and slightly blue but at least it has a funny story behind it… oh well such is my life if there is a way for me to get hurt its going to happen. 

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Five: 5 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Today I went to work for a few hours and it was boring as usual, thankfully I didn’t have to stay long. After work I went to AC Moore to pick up supplies for making shirts. Which my best friend and I did this evening after dinner. I made four shirts overall and they are adorable; I finally have some new sorority shirts to wear. It’s going to be weird to wear my letters on campus especially when my sorority isn’t there but I’m going to do it anyway so I represent my organization even at a school that it isn’t established at. Emotionally today was a bad day as most of them tend to be right now, my mom even got mad at me for being in a bad mood. She just doesn’t understand that I’m not over what happened to me even though she is and she is at the point where she is angry and says I should just get over it because it’s not worth my time anymore. I don’t even know how to feel, I go through all the emotions every day. I get angry and then I feel sad and depressed and then for a split second I feel okay and maybe even happy, but it is normally quickly replaced with anger or hurt or even confusion. I wish sometimes that people would stop bringing it up so I could deal with it on my own and half the time I want to tell them they need to shut up because it’s not their life and not their heart that got broken in the process. But I don’t because I know they love me and they want me to be happy, and the thing is I can’t be truly happy right now and it’s probably going to be a while before I am. I know I’m hurting those closest to me by being this way but I can’t help it. Update on my resolutions, I have started my diet and so far I’m doing pretty well on it. there are temptations everywhere but I know that I’m doing this for a reason and I need to stick it out so I can become the best version of myself!    

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Four: 4 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

Another uneventful day at my house, I’ve been in an awful mood all day. I had this weird dream last night and when I woke up this morning I couldn’t decide if I liked the dream or not. I’m not going to take the time to go into the boring details of what happened but I ended up having my ex-boyfriend’s baby and in my dream she was beautiful. But this morning when I got up and the images were still fresh in my head I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have that part of him still with me but at the same time I was relieved because there is no way I’m even remotely ready to have a baby. But the dream itself has been haunting me all day and it’s just contributing to my bad mood. And the one person I want to talk about it with doesn’t speak to me anymore. I don’t even think he remembers I exist, especially since it was so easy for him to let me go. I know that I need to get over it but as my best friend has been telling me a lot recently that it doesn’t happen overnight. I wish it did it would make life a heck of a lot easier if I could just move on from the heartbreak and be happy. I read something on tumblr the other day and it’s stuck with me, it’s not who you miss at 2am when you're lonely but it’s who you miss at 2pm when you're busy. I know that feeling all too well unfortunately, and this is where I leave y’all. 

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day Three: 3 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

Today was laundry day for me, because I couldn’t avoid it anymore and I was running dramatically low on the amount of clean socks in my drawer. It took a few hours but I managed to clean all of my clothes and I now have nice fresh socks to wear! Other than doing my laundry I have spent most of my day reading the Divergent Trilogy. I ended the second book in the series today and started the final book and I only have about 16 chapters left and I can’t seem to put it down. The story is so enthralling that I find myself with the constant need to continue reading it. It’s the reason I didn’t blog earlier like I intended to, if any of you have read these books you’ll understand my pain. I admire the main characters strength even when all hope is lost, and I hope that I could be that way especially now when I need to be strong. Today was a hard day for me and my current mental health. It seemed that everything reminded me of my recent ex-boyfriend and it hurt to think of him, I miss him and I know that I shouldn’t because he broke my heart even though he promised he would never hurt me. I was doing fine until I was scrolling through the TV channels and I found a stupid movie to put on while I folded my clothes. In the movie the main character’s boyfriend leaves her and as he leaves her he tells her he doesn’t love her anymore and she is heartbroken just like I am. Then at the end of the movie he comes back to her and tells her he lied and that he was sorry and that he would never leave her again. It hurt to know that that would never happen to me because my life is not a movie and the girl and boy don’t always end up together in the end. I’m trying to be strong but it’s not very easy when every fiber of my being wants him back. That’s it for today.

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh 

Day Two: 2 January 2015

Hello Everyone,

Today has been a very uneventful day; I have spent most of my day at work cross referencing online orders. And if that wasn’t enough the company website crashed in the middle of that and I wasn’t able to fully complete my work. It was awful; I wanted to throw the computer out the window! Today is also the founder's day of my sorority Alpha Omicron Pi, today is its 118^th birthday! Although I am an alumna I still have a place in my heart for my organization and all of my sisters. For the rest of the night I will be over at my best friend’s house because her parents are gone for the night and she doesn’t want to be alone in her house and I don’t blame her on that one! So we will probably end up watching Netflix all night while talking crap about all the men in our lives, the normal things girls do at sleepovers. Not really much to say about today, so this is where I will end this!!

Thanks for reading xoxo Lashleigh

Day One: 1 January 2015

Hello Everyone, 

It’s the first day of the New Year and it’s already off to a horrible start. I rang in the New Year with my family but I spent the first 20 minutes of 2015 crying my eyes out. The supposed love of my life broke up with me the day after Christmas, and I haven’t felt right since. I have been trying to be strong but some days are easier than others. I got a tattoo on the collarbone to remind myself that everything happens for a reason, and it does but I’m still hurt and confused as to why he all of a sudden decided he wasn’t in love with me anymore. It was hard to see my family so happy at midnight, hugging and kissing when I felt broken, hurt and betrayed. If you had asked me a week ago to picture that exact moment I would’ve said that at midnight I would be expecting a call from him and that we would laugh and talk and ring in the New Year and be happy. I never thought in a million years that my night would be the exact opposite. And now my family is on their way over to my parents’ house so we can all have dinner and celebrate the New Year yet again, and I'm not in a celebratory mood. I have to put on a fake smile and act like everything is alright as my family laughs and enjoys each other’s company. People keep telling me the pain will subside and everything will be okay, but I can’t do anything without thinking of him and how I wish he was here. It’s something I’m going to have to live with, but everything happens for a reason. Enough of the sad stuff… I’ve got a couple New Year’s Resolutions that I’d like to share. The first being that I want to finally lose weight, I’ve been trying for a while but this year I’m going to be serious about it. And the second is that I’m going to try and actually have fun and do what I want to do and not what someone else wants me to do. I’m going to flirt and laugh and be myself no matter what anyone has to say. I’m 21 years old I should be having fun, acting my age, and enjoying myself instead of being so serious all the time! So here’s to the first day of 2015!

Thanks for reading, xoxo Lashleigh

365 Day Challenge

Hello Everyone!

So recently I have been hearing the phrase that every year is like a 365 page book, and that because today is the first day of 2015 that today is page one of the 365 page book. this got me to thinking and I've decided that I want to challenge myself to write about everyday this year. It could be long or short but I want to write my very own 365 page book about 2015. I know this is going to be a bit challenging especially with school but I'm hoping that it will help me through what I'm sure is going to be a difficult year. I hopefully will be posting my days on this blog and on my tumblr. Lets do this!

Thanks for reading! xoxo Lashleigh